Friday, January 3, 2014

Erybody is just copy'in old shit.


I’ll just come out and say it, I’ve never read or seen Harry Potter or Twilight, none of them.  Do you want to know why?  I don’t know the whole little boy magician thing along with the sparkling thousand-year-old vampire who still attends high school for some reason never really interested me.  Well that and the fact a 6’4” grown man with a shaved head and full beard wandering around the teen fiction section at the bookstore seems kind of weird.  I can see the interaction now;
Bookstore guy: “Hey can I help you?  Are you shopping for your child?”
Me: “Naw, I’m just looking for that book about the little kid with a magic stick.”
Then security gets called.
Nope if it’s not a comedy, documentary, or an eighties horror movie it’s probably not for me.  However this past Sunday I wandered into the front room and what was my wife watching?  None other than Harry Potter, I don’t know which one.  Didn’t you read the part about me not having seen any of them?
I glance at the clock and think to myself “Well kick-off is coming up soon maybe I’ll just sit down and watch the end of this.”
Well I sit down and watch knowing nothing about what is going on in the story.
There was a big snake slithering around while Harry Potter was fighting with the dude with no nose.  You know they guy from The Red Dragon but made to look like Rocky Dennis from The Mask (with Cher) but more aerodynamic.
Anyway I’m watching Harry and Aero-Rocky battle with their sticks, wands, whatever shooting out colored beams.  The beams were at a stalemate, neither gaining ground, both being stopped by the opposing beam.
That’s when it hit me.  This looks familiar.  This is the some lazy writing.  This has all been done before.  Think about it what movie introduced colored beams?  I don’t know, but I know that light-sabers were basically colored beams that stopped after a few feet.  Now these Harry Potter beams looked just like the stuff coming out of the Ghost Buster’s Proton Pack, just with light-saber like color.
Remember how they said never cross the streams it Ghost Busters?  Well what if you shoot right at each other?
Imagine this scene:  Venkman and Egon get into an argument about who Winston likes more, cause you know, he’s the cool black guy.
“Screw you Venkman, He called me “home-slice” this morning.” Shouts Egon
“Oh yeah, well me and him shared a bottle on henney yesterday.”
Egon points his weapon towards Venkman.
“Henne-see-ya-later” he says coolly pressing the fire button.
“What the …” Venkman replies.  Fumbling with his pack just in time to block the stream with his own.
Both men stand with weapons in hand shooting beams of light towards each other, neither beam strong enough to overpower the other.
Get it?  Now add George Lucas, different characters and beam color and you have Harry Potter’s showdown with flat face.

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